Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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