she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize