Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
