nut hugger
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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