My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
