dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
