4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
