Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
