phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
