All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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