i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize