I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
