you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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