and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
