Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
