Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize