Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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