just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
