My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
