(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
