Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
