And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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