As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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