I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
