I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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