Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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