the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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