The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
