party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
