i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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