Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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