i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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