There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
