i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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