every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
