I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
