My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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