What a fucking waste of an outfit
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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