If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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