first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
