Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
