One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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