idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
