My liver just broke up with me...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
