he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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