no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
