My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
