Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
