I CAN MOONWALK!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
