He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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