Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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