There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
