when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
