shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
