lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
