Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
