I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
