): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
