She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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