I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
