So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
