i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
