Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we're making bets on your personal life
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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