I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize