if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
