New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
