We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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