i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
