Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
