You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
