that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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