you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
