JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
