she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
